American Food

Since I came here, I’ve had two breakdowns as far as food goes. The first food breakdown being McDonald’s. I think McDonald’s is gross, and the brand of American un-culture that comes with it equally disgusting. But there is something genuinely satisfying about holding up 5 fingers and someone handing you a tray of food that is identifiable. The pure ease of ordering is sweet, fatty, soy/random meat byproduct bliss.

Today was my second slip up. While I’ve managed to avoid most drugs in my lifetime, there are two things that I am addicted to. The first being coffee - with the physical side effects of addiction and all. The second being cheese. I love cheese, and I love specialty cheeses even more. So being in Taiwan where most of the cheese is in the form of a Craft cheese single or that plastic-y Velveeta cheese imitation, the ordering process can be disappointing.

It goes something like this:
“YAY, cheese!”
A confused looking, but unconditionally sweet service worker brings me my plate of food.
“Yes, that is definitely orange. Yes, that is definitely in a square, cheese-like shape. Yes, it is on my sandwich type item. But I can say with 99.9% certainty that what I am eating is not cheese.” My heart breaks, and my arteries unclog a little just about the thought of it.

So as I was walking home today, there was a Dominoe’s. It had a ray of sunshine beaming down to the front door. The advertisement on the window had a pizza covered in cheese (and an assortment of other things I personally wouldn’t put on a pizza such as carrots, peas, and corn, but I digress. The important thing was it had cheese. A lot of cheese). I ordered a pizza. And chicken wings. And garlic bread. And a salad. (Apparently, one pizza is crazy expensive. The pizza meal is crazy expensive, but cheaper than just one pizza. Yeah, I don’t understand either).

I walked home with my big ol’ stack of food. I felt guilty. I spent more money ordering pizza than I had spent on food from my awesome vendors in one week. Not only that, I felt like the big, dumb, gluttonous American tourist who came to Taiwan to eat fucking Dominoe’s. If ever I had a walk of shame, this was it.

Once the door to the apartment closed, I guilty set down my stack of food. My roommate Eric was sitting on the couch. I could feel him staring at me in disbelief.

“I had a craving.”
“I can see that.”
“Do you want some pizza?”

His chin dropped to the ground, and he then looked up at me.

“I’ve been really craving American food, too.”

This is probably the best pizza I have ever consumed. I recommend a whole heaping side of guilt to go with your Dominoe’s pizza. I assure you it’s the only way to make that thing taste mind bogglingly good.